That is a really intriguing title, isn’t it? If you are a refuser, wouldn’t you like to know?
When is it? The most dangerous point in a celibate marriage is when the refusing cheater’s victim stops asking for sex or complaining about the lack of sex.
This may sound strange because this is when the refusing cheater becomes relieved. After all, he/she now doesn’t have to worry about being criticized or hounded about sex anymore. Finally, the rejecting cheater can have some peace.
But here is the problem. When the rejected spouse stops asking, that means one of two things has happened. Either the rejected spouse has totally given up, or the rejected spouse has found someone else. And if the first thing has happened, it is likely to lead to the second thing.
You see, a spouse who has been sexually rejected over and over will eventually get the message that sex is not going to happen. He/she will eventually decide that asking for sex and being refused is degrading, and he/she will no longer want to degrade him or herself. In my case, I stopped approaching my refuser in April of 2005. I approached her at that time, and I was rebuffed. I remember specifically thinking that I would never put myself in a situation where I would feel that rejection ever again.
When this happens, things are really serious. This means that the rejected spouse has hit a very significant milestone. The pain of rejection has overwhelmed the potential pleasure of sexual release with the refusing cheater.
Also, there is the very distinct possibility that the rejected spouse has found someone else to fulfill him/her. This is because a rejected spouse is usually a VERY attractive person. The reason is that the rejected spouse has spent years or decades trying to make him/herself as attractive as possible. He/she has tried to be sweet, considerate and accommodating in a futile attempt to woo a refusing cheater. After these years of practice, a normal person will find the refusing cheater to be one of the most attractive people the normal person has ever met. And the formerly rejected spouse will think he/she has died and gone to heaven. He/she will not believe that someone of the opposite sex actually wants him/her to be fulfilled.
So if you are a refusing cheater, and your rejected spouse has stopped approaching you for sex, you better be very wary. And if you don’t want a divorce, you really better start figuring out a way to become sexually attractive to the spouse you have neglected for so long.
And don’t bother waiting to hear from a church what to do in this situation because they won’t know. Especially since you will not be telling the church leaders that you cheated your spouse out of a normal sexual relationship.