This is not going to be a very “Christian” post, but since no one reads this anyway, I am going to write it.
As you can probably tell, I read a lot of blogs about marriage & sex. Primarily, I read a lot of Christian material. One of the main things I read in this area is the opinion that people should wait until marriage to have sex or people who say they wish they had waited until after marriage to have sex.
I even had a friend once say that he had never known a couple who had waited to have sex that regretted it. I have no idea how many couples he had known, but since he was only 21 or 22 at the time, it could not have been that many.
Well, if my friend knew me now, he could say that he knows a person who deeply regrets not having sex before marriage. I honestly wish that I had engaged in as much sexual activity with as many girls as possible.
Believe it or not, I was not always a late middle-aged overweight man. When I was young, I was actually quite good looking, funny and charming. There were many many girls who made it very clear to me that if I was interested in sex, they were completely willing. However, I had this stupid idea that if I just waited until marriage to have sex, that God would provide me with a wife who would want to satisfy me. Unfortunately, that was a crock.
NO, I don’t blame God. There were many many clues to my wife’s selfish nature that I ignored because she was so hot when we were dating. I just had no idea of the depth or the extent of her selfishness. Maybe I was just trying to see the bright side.
But yes, I really should have enjoyed as much sex as possible when I was attractive, charming, and single. I had a LOT more drive then, and a LOT firmer erections. I really am frustrated that so many of my friends took advantage of opportunities, and now are happily married. I was just stupid enough that I didn’t see that my youth was my primary chance for sexual fulfillment.
I have read that a spouse having an affair is the most horrible pain there is. However, I have to say that I don’t agree. An affair is usually a response to long term neglect where a spouse is desperate for something he/she is missing at home. However, cheating your spouse out of the most basic part of marriage for years at a time is a constant series of decisions where the refuser’s actions are saying, “I will do only what I want, and I really don’t care how it affects you because you are completely worthless.” Hearing that is a lot more painful.
Now I am stuck in a sexless marriage where there is no hope of change. My wife absolutely refuses to discuss it or do anything to alleviate the problem since it is not her problem, and I can’t divorce her because my kids would hate me. Additionally, I have to read article after article of “Christian” women posting about how horrible husbands are.