Well, my last post was pretty negative, so I am going to try to balance it a little bit.
If you are a refusing wife, and you now know that it’s a problem, I want to refer you to two sites. Both are run by Christian women, and both are very good. Forgivenwife.com and intimacyinmarriage.com.
So if you want to change, I have some suggestions that might help.
1) Apologize. Yes, I mean talk to your husband and tell him that you now recognize that refusing sex on a regular basis was a horrible way to treat him. Tell him you are very very sorry, and you will never be able to understand the horrible harm you have done to him and your marriage. But now, you know it was wrong, and you want to make up for it. He probably will not say much at this point, but he will hear you. But every time he looks at you, he will probably remember your rejections. So every time he seems down or quiet, remind him that you know that you have been cheating on him, you are sorry, and you will be doing better.
2) Change!! Your husband will probably not be approaching you for sex for a long time, probably years. However, he still needs sex and that is the only way he will feel accepted by you. So you are going to have to approach him. And you can’t use subtle hints, you have to be openly sexual. Send him dirty texts telling him what you want him to do to you. Take pictures of your body and let him keep them. Throw away every pair of granny panties you own!! Learn how to give a blowjob, practice kegels, become the most sexual woman he has ever heard of! Try every single kinky thing you can read about or watch. Become the absolute opposite of a frumpy housewife! This is your marriage we are talking about and you have to fight for it.
3) Be Patient! It took a long time for you to teach your husband that you don’t care about him, and it will take almost as long for you to undo the damage you have done to him. He may get very angry at you, and you may want to respond in kind, but remember that you have cheated him out of the best sexual years of his life.
If you will do these three things on a consistent basis, I cannot guarantee that you will save your marriage, but it will certainly not hurt. And you may find out things that will improve your self esteem and your identity as a woman.
But don’t ever expect to hear any of these suggestions at church because you will never hear them.