The Talk

So just a few days ago, my cheating wife (see my definition of cheating below) asked me why I had been so down for the past month. I told her I might want to talk about it later.

She did ask about it later and I told her that I was really down because I have not had sex in 5 ½ years and it was very depressing. Then she started asking me if it was because I was having problems at work or something. I told her no, and she kept on saying that it must be that I am having problems at work. She honestly does NOT believe that she could be the source of my mood. I kept on telling her no and she stopped asking.

Then she told me that she did not see why I was so upset. I told her again that being in a celibate marriage with no relief in sight was very depressing. Then she told me something that really floored me. She said that her vagina was better, and she MIGHT be able to have sex now, but it was all my fault because I am not caring enough. So, once again, she claims to be completely innocent in causing the situation.

Then, she made a statement that is my favorite part. Pay close attention, because this is important. She said, “WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A WONDERFUL, FULFILLING MARRIAGE EVEN IF WE NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN!”

I did not know this. Apparently, I have been under a false impression for almost all of my 50+ years. I actually thought that sex was an essential part of marriage. Silly me! Why would I believe such a thing? Why didn’t anyone tell me this?

Of course, I am being facetious. No one believes this. It is a ridiculous statement. It is like being in a dream where everything is upside down. And this is the really weird part… While she was saying it, I caught myself trying to understand her perspective! Yes, I have codependency tendencies that strong. But after a few hours, I was thinking about this and it hit me: THAT IS A COMPLETELY SELFISH AND LUDICROUS STATEMENT THAT NO ONE SHOULD EVER BELIEVE! ANYONE WHO BELIEVES THAT A MARRIAGE CAN BE WONDERFUL OR FULFILLING IF EITHER PERSON IS SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED IS ENTIRELY TOO SELFISH TO BE MARRIED!!

So will you ever hear a pastor or minister say that sex is essential in marriage in church? I seriously doubt it, but we can all keep dreaming.


9 thoughts on “The Talk

  1. Just discovered your blog today. I really hear your pain. I really hope your next move is to plan your exit strategy.

    I am in a “platonic” marriage as well and I stayed way too long. (17 yrs. total – 15 yrs. sexless – no kids – both of us at fault). I am pretty numb regarding no access at this point, but I am currently considering my options. Don’t wait as long as I did to do something.


  2. I am M. In my early 60’s. Wife was never attracted to me sexually and the little sex we did have reflected that. I ignored the red flags thinking that would change over time, but it never really did.

    Complacency, finances and fear of being alone is what’s held me up until now but I am gearing up to make some changes one way or another while I still have my health.


  3. I will read the conclusion to this story next…or at least the next part, but a comment first: my wife ahs made a very similar statement. She also believes that a marriage does not need sex to be successful. What it does need is time together talking. And that is the ironic part. She feels closer to me after talking and may have more of a feeling towards sex, while I need that sexual connection to feel closer and then be able to enjoy listening and talking. Weird world we live in.


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