So What Now?

Well, if you have been following my saga, you might want to know the rest.

We had a really long talk on Saturday which continued on Sunday.

My wife has told me that she is willing to make an appointment to go to the gynecologist, and I have agreed not to mention the fact that she has cheated me out of a satisfying sex life for entire term of our marriage, at least until she goes to the doctor.

But here is the problem. She has told me that she will not allow me or anyone else to go with her, nor will she allow me to see any of the medical records. To me, this is essential because I will then know exactly what the diagnosis is, and I can find out if there is any treatment.

So what will I do? Well, I really want to be sure that cancer is ruled out. If she does have cancer, she will need someone to help because she has ruined her relationships with all of her other family.

My guess is that no matter what the doctor says to her, she will tell me that he said that I am the problem. She will tell me that he said that because I am not nice enough to her, she is unable to respond to me. So what if that happens?

Well, this will probably be a surprise. If she says anything but, “I have cancer,” I am leaving. I have realized that no matter how assured and confident I feel before I talk about things with her, she is able to manipulate me. Therefore, there is only one thing to do. I have to leave and let a lawyer deal with her. She is able to use shame and obligation to get me to do whatever she wants. I am sick of it and I am not going to deal with it any more.

Also, I have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction of my church leaders. It seems that many of them would be supportive of my decision to leave a wife who refuses sex.

So maybe someday I will actually hear a sermon about the sinfulness of sexual rejection.

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2 thoughts on “So What Now?

  1. I’m so very sorry for the immense pain you are going through. I could be totally off base here, but it sounds to me as if your wife has used the hysterectomy as a convenient excuse to put a (what she hoped would be final) ban on sexual relations. I’m not negating that she might have experienced pain/ discomfort but the fact that she’s been so unwilling to see the gynaecologist, suddenly says her V might have been miraculously healed, and oddly (suspiciously) says she doesn’t want you to go with her or see her records leads one to wonder if there actually was a physical impediment as opposed to just routine recovery from the surgery? Of course I don’t have the full details and perhaps there is something very serious going on. I’m not sure if you have come across r/ Marriedredpill? Most of those guys came to the forum because of the lack of sex in their marriages and have had great results turning things around regardless of medical or other issues. There also seems to be quite a strong Christian bias; some of the moderators have openly declared their faith (see bluepillprofessor for eg) and what the forum espouses certainly seems in line with biblical gender roles (not the feminine-centric faux nod to these roles which seems to pervade many church cultures nowadays). It is very much a men’s locker room however, and the advice is sharp and often brutal, certainly not the “wallowing in sympathy with you” type, but those that persevere seem to get extraordinary and long term results. Also check out No More Mr Nice Guy (one of their required reads) and When I Say No I Feel Guilty (also required reading). Many men coming to the forum have been astounded at how accurately these books describe them and their unsatisfying marriages. I wish you the best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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