Since it has been about a month since I have posted a somewhat positive entry, I thought I would do another one.
I was thinking that someone might want to know what my wife could have done to prevent me from being so miserable and wanting to divorce her. Well, there are many ways I could answer this, starting from the day we got married. But since this blog is about sexual refusal, I am just going to talk about what she could have done in the past 5 years.
Ok first, she could have followed her doctor’s instructions and come back to the doctor three months after the surgery. At that time, the doctor would have checked her hormone levels, talked to both of us, and we could have looked at options. I would have told the doctor that her moods are all over the place, and sex is impossible because of the pain.
Second, she could have listened to my complaints, taken them seriously, and made the necessary changes. She could have listened with empathy. Instead, every time I said that I was unhappy with our celibate marriage, she would make the following statement, “It doesn’t matter because your penis doesn’t even work anymore.” So what she was saying is this: 1. Your complaint is irrelevant to me, and 2. I don’t care about your feelings, and 3. Because you dare to complain about something regarding me, I am going to insult you in the most painful way I can think of. Incidentally, ladies this is a really risky thing to say to a man. I am a very calm person, but many men will not tolerate this kind of insult at all. If you insult a man’s penis, there is a good chance that he will physically hurt you. So if you don’t want this to happen, listen to your husband. If he is voicing a complaint, give him the courtesy of hearing him. Get out of your own perspective and think about what it is like to be in his shoes.
Now the last reason is really going to surprise you. She could have been nice about it. This is really the most important part. She could have recognized that ending our sex life is bad, acknowledged that her issues caused it, apologized for the fact that our sex life was gone, and voiced a desire to do whatever it took to make things better. If she had only just shown a bit of compassion and told me that she cared about me and what she had made me give up, it would have made a huge difference. However, it is too late now.
Sadly, few preachers will ever tell anyone that he or she may regret refusing sex.