I recently read a letter on a Christian marriage site where a wife admitted that she had refused her husband for years.
What happened was this: Her husband had come to her and said that he was unhappy because she had been withholding sex from him for years. As a result of her cheating him out of this essential part of marriage, he was unsure that he was going to be able to continue to be married to her.
In response, she said that she had set a boundary. The boundary was this: She told him that until he was going to fully commit to the marriage, SHE WAS NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM!!
Yes, you read that correctly. He was upset because his wife would not have sex with him, so she decided that until he was happy with her, she would not have sex with him. This really reminds me of a plaque one of my bosses had on her desk as a joke. It stated, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”
The person who has the site was very gracious with her and tried to gently explain that this may not work, but I had the urge to tell her that she was a complete idiot. The woman was actually serious and was saying that she could not share something so intimate with someone who was not committed to the marriage.
The sheer stupidity of this woman was astounding to me. So what do I think she should have been told? Well, first she should have been told that by failing to fulfill her husband’s sexual needs, she had been sexually immoral. She should have also been told that her sexual immorality was about to end her marriage, so if she wanted to save her marriage, she really had one thing she needed to do.
She should have also been told that when she told her husband that she would not be sexual with him until he fully committed to the marriage, she was making things even worse. She should have heard that by failing to fulfill her husband sexually, she had effectively ended the marriage, and he was just making official what she had already made effective. By refusing to have sex with her husband, she was not really saying no to her husband. Instead, she was saying no to GOD! She was telling God that she knew better than Him, and even though God had commanded her to fulfill her husband, she was refusing to do what God said.
But do you think that you will ever hear a preacher say that refusing sex to a spouse is refusing God? Of course not, that will never happen