I recently read this quote on a sexless site on reddit. It is called “dead bedrooms.”
Here is the quote…
“It is deceiving to say that your sex isn’t important enough that your SO should leave you over lack of it, but it is important enough that he can’t have it with anyone else for the rest of your lives either. A lot of cognitive dissonance.”
This really hit me like a ton of bricks! It makes perfect sense. Let me elaborate:
The Refuser/Cheater is saying two completely inconsistent things.
On the one hand, he/she is saying that sex is not important, the other spouse should not think about sex so much, and it is not an essential part of marriage.
However, when the refuser/cheater hears about a person having sex outside the marriage, that refuser/cheater is appalled, insults that person, and says that a divorce is warranted.
So what is the problem? Well, the refusing cheater is not being intellectually honest. He/she wants it both ways. He/she wants to be in control of his/her victim at home, and in control of his/her victim away from home. Did you catch that word? CONTROL! The refusing cheater wants to control his/her victim. In my opinion, that is the basis of the refusing cheater’s behavior. He/she wants to be in control of every aspect of his/her victim’s life.
So if you are being controlled by a refusing cheater, what are you going to do about it? No one is going to rescue you, no one is going to help you escape, you have to make a decision.
Do you want to be controlled?
And don’t wait for validation from your pastor/preacher/minister because that person will never touch this subject.