This is a story I read a few years ago. A woman had been refused by her husband for several years. She had done the usual begging and pleading, but he still would not have sex with her. She had even asked if he was not interested, would he at least assist in arousing her and pleasing her with his hands? He refused even to do that. This is pretty common for a refusing cheater who is essentially saying, “I don’t want sex, so you shouldn’t either.”
This woman was a tennis instructor. She had a class that was all women. One day, before class, all the women seemed to be having a discussion about a common frustration they were having. It seems that all of these women were very frustrated that their husbands were wanting sex all the time. Their husbands were constantly groping their breasts and butts, making sexual comments, grabbing them when they were naked in the bathroom, and constantly asking for sex.
The tennis instructor was absolutely dumbfounded that these women were complaining. She could not imagine the idea of having a man who was interested in her to that extent. She would have done anything to have a man at home who would look at her with desire, ask her to wear something sexy, and want to touch her naked body. But she listened intently to the conversations, while silently wanting to shake the women into being grateful for what they had at home.
Unfortunately, the conversations became even harder to listen to, and her desire to slap some sense into the women became even greater. But then a thought came into her head that allowed her to smile just a little bit. She imagined herself thinking of some tennis drills that she could assign to the women that would take a few hours. And she further imagined her telling the women that she had some errands to run. She thought of how fun it would be to go each woman’s home where a sexually aroused man waited who would be delighted to have her alone with him for an hour or two.
Of course she never acted on her fantasy, but she really did not see why it could really hurt. After, all, she would be sexually satisfied, the husbands of the refusing wives would be sexually satisfied, and the refused husbands would stop harassing the refusing wives with their irritating sexual approaches. Everyone would win!
Of course, you will never even hear a hint of this in a church, but you will certainly hear the hypocrisy of condemning adultery while completely ignoring the equally devastating sin of sexual refusal.