I am just writing a note about my situation. I have been separated from my refusing cheater for over 7 months now. I still enjoy being able to come home and know that there is no way I will be yelled at or berated in any way. I am able to do much better at work, and my friends have commented that I seem so much happier and content. I am exercising regularly, and I feel so much better.
So you may be asking what the problem is. For some reason, I am having a hard time telling my lawyer to go ahead & get the divorce filed. He is a very good person, and a very good friend. His charges are very reasonable, and I know he will be able to resolve the divorce quickly. But I still find myself being hesitant. I have seen my refusing cheater on a few occasions, and she has been fairly pleasant, but the sight of her still puts my stomach in knots. It is the same feeling I used to get before going out onto the football field knowing that I was about to get into a physical confrontation.
I have had the chance to discuss my situation with many friends, both male and female. When I tell them about the forced celibacy and verbal abuse, all of them, without exception, are appalled and cannot believe that I stayed with my refusing cheater for so long. I also spoke to a long time good friend who told me that I just have too much compassion to let go easily.
But then a friend suggested that I consider attending a Codependent’s Anonymous group. There is one in the town where I live, and I went for the first time last weekend. It really made a huge impact on me. I am starting to realize that my refusing cheater can only affect me if I let her. I already knew this intellectually, but I am starting to realize it emotionally. I just have to work through my hesitance to finalize things and let her go.
As usual, don’t expect to ever hear from a pulpit that when you have had enough abuse from a spouse, it is ok to walk away.