A Sad Truth

I have been thinking of writing this for a while, but I was hesitant because many refused spouses may not be ready to read it, but I have decided that we all need to hear it. It is, of course, only my opinion, but I have to say it.

If you are being sexually refused by your spouse for any extended length of time, you are being betrayed. It is sexual betrayal of the most insidious kind. It is insidious because it is continual denial of the most basic part of marriage. Sex is understood to be an essential part of marriage.

Of course, there are medical and/or psychological reasons that a spouse may not be able to have sex, but then one has to ask if that spouse is actively seeking treatment to resolve the issue. If the spouse refuses to seek treatment, he/she is consciously deciding to betray his/her spouse.

But this is the part that has really hit me the last few months. My refuser did not love me. If she did, she would have at least been nice about refusing sex. Instead, whenever I brought it up, she would tell me that it didn’t matter because my penis didn’t even work any more.

So I have to tell you, if your spouse is a refuser, HE OR SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!! You can say that he/she is a wonderful person, a great friend, and you have a wonderful marriage except for this one little thing. But the truth is this: YOUR REFUSER DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!!


2 thoughts on “A Sad Truth

  1. That’s tough and I won’t deny that those words hurt me. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT LOVE ME. It’s hurts. But I agree with that. I have a wonderful marriage, we really get along, he is my best friend and a great dad. But he is also a refuser… and those words hurt me but it wasn’t even closer of the pain of rejection that I’ve been feeling for years. He cries when I talk about our fake wedding, says that he loves me. I don’t think it’s a lie but isn’t true either. As I have told him, he loves me as a friend but not as a woman, cause he have no desire for me. Im trying to get rid of the marriage boundaries now and be free again, to be really loved as I deserve to be.


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