I am writing directly to the refusers now. I know, of course, that there are virtually no refusers that read this blog, but maybe one of you refused spouses can print this out and read it to your refusing cheater.
I know that many of you refusers have children, and you love them very much. How would you feel knowing that one of your sweet children was being refused on a regular basis? Is that something you would wish on your child?
Imagine your son has been married 5 years, and one day he comes to your home alone. He is obviously upset, and his cheeks have tear tracks all the way down to his chin. You can tell that something horrible has happened, but you can see that he is not injured & he says that his wife is fine.
Finally, he composes himself and begins to talk to you. He says that after the wedding, he was so excited to experience sex with his new bride. However, not only did she refuse him on the wedding night, but she did not have sex with him on the entire honeymoon. They did manage to have sex later, but at the most it was 10 times a year. Sex is also on her terms when it does happen, and if he complains, she told him he better be thankful that she is willing at all. But for the last 10 months, she has cut him off completely, and now accuses him of having erectile dysfunction. How would you feel about your son’s wife at this time?
Or maybe it is your wonderful daughter. Just 5 years ago, you watched her walk down the aisle looking radiant. She was marrying the man of her dreams. You had never seen any other girl look as beautiful on her wedding day. But she comes to your home in tears. Her makeup is smudged, and her eyes are red from crying. She just hugs you and holds on as if she would die if she let go. Finally, you get her to a point where she can talk, and she blurts out, “I’m ugly!” You are not sure that you heard her right, so you ask and she says it again, “I’m UGLY!!” You can’t believe that she would ever say this. This is the girl who had to turn down offers for dates, was voted homecoming queen, was constantly approached with offers to model while in college, and now she thinks she is ugly? How in the world could she ever think such a thing? Finally, she tells you. It seems that her husband has refused to have sex with her for the last two years, and he has told her that it is because her eyes are set too close, her nose is too big, her lips are too full, and her hips are too wide. So how do you feel about your daughter’s husband now?
The point is obvious. You are doing the exact same thing to your spouse!!! Your spouse is feeling rejected, unattractive and ugly. And it is completely your fault! If you want to preserve your marriage, you need to turn things around as soon as possible. It may not be too late, but you have to start RIGHT NOW!!! Go to your husband or wife, look him/her in the eyes and apologize. Tell him/her that you are very sorry that you have betrayed him/her and you are resolved to change this today. Take him or her into the bedroom and give him/her the best sexual experience he/she has ever had. This is not the time to “think about it,” “try,” or start counseling. That time has long passed. It is time for action. If you want to save your marriage, don’t waste another second.