So what happens to the spouse of a refusing cheater? Why can’t he or she just not let it bother him/her? Why is it such a big deal? How does it affect that person in the future?
Well, one of the first things that comes to my mind is that the rejected spouse feels deceived. With very few exceptions, there is no one who enters into marriage believing that he or she will have little or no sex (except of course, the refusing cheater). I have heard of one exception where a woman who trained service dogs married one of her customers. Because he was a quadriplegic, she knew that there would be no sex in her “marriage.” But that is very rare.
Every person I know of, including me, who was sexually rejected on the honeymoon felt incredibly deceived by the refusing cheater. It is unreasonable for anyone to be sexually rejected on the wedding night, or the rest of the honeymoon. Anyone who would suggest that this is ok is not very bright, or a refusing cheater him/herself.
As for not letting it be bothersome, this is quite difficult for a normal person. A NORMAL man has quite a bit of a hormone called testosterone in his veins which makes him a man. It is the reason that men are bigger, stronger, and more protective than women. It is also what gives men their sex drives. A NORMAL woman also has testosterone, though not as much as a man. However, a normal woman wants to be validated and wants to feel that she is attractive and is wanted by the man she marries. Without that, she feels strange, ugly, unfeminine. Being desired is a normal need for both genders.
This is a big deal because in a marriage, sex is what sets the relationship apart from other relationships. You can be friends with anyone, talk to anyone, interact with anyone, but if you are married, you should be sexual with one person alone. When someone gets married, he/she signs up for monogamy, not celibacy.
As for the future, this affects people in many negative ways. If, by the grace of God, the rejected spouse ever gets away from the refusing cheater, the rejected spouse will feel very unattractive, and hesitant to approach someone. If he/she does get into another relationship, he/she will feel that he/she is not good enough. The years of rejection will affect him or her for the rest of his/her life. And the funny part is that the refusing cheater will never care.
Yes, it is a horrible way to treat someone. But as long as churches ignore this sin, and demands that the rejected spouse stays with a rejecting cheater, there will be more and more devastated people.