If you go to any Christian church, you will probably find that in marriage, the biggest sexual sin that is talked about is adultery. Yes, it is the big no-no. You better not do it, or you are getting right on the road to hell.
This comes from Exodus 20:14, “Thou shalt not commit Adultery.”
This is very clear, isn’t it?
Then there is Matthew 5:27, ““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’
So the Bible is pretty clear that Adultery is wrong. But what is Adultery? In the Biblical context, it means having sex with someone who is married to someone else, or having sex with someone other than your spouse when you are married.
But the Bible does NOT say that you should NEVER commit adultery, right? I mean, sometimes you just have to! What? That doesn’t make sense? The Bible says don’t do it, and that is what it means? Are you sure? Isn’t this just the ideal? If your spouse does have sex with someone else, don’t you think you are doing something wrong? Shouldn’t you talk to him/her and ask him/her what it is that causes him/her to have sex with someone else.
Of course, the previous paragraph is ridiculous, right? When the Bible says DON’T do it, it means don’t ever do it. Everyone agrees that when the Bible says don’t do something, it means don’t ever do it. It doesn’t mean that you can do it if you really want to. But not all of the Biblical mandates are treated this way. For instance, take a look at this verse…
1 Corinthians 7:5, “5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
You will find that there are MANY MANY “Christian” authors and self-proclaimed experts who will tell you that this verse doesn’t mean what it says. They will say that sometimes, you just have to deprive your spouse of sex. They will say that no one can be expected to NEVER refuse sex to his/her spouse, and the Bible doesn’t mean what it says.
But those same “experts” will tell you that Adultery is ALWAYS wrong. They will say that the Bible says “don’t do it” and that is the end of the discussion. But they seem to ignore the fact that the same Bible that forbids adultery also forbids sexual refusal in marriage.
So why do these experts say this? Maybe they like to refuse their own spouses, or maybe they just don’t like the idea that God would tell someone to do something that is unpleasant. But doesn’t the entire Bible say to do things that we don’t want to do? What about “turn the other cheek”? Jesus said if someone strikes you on one cheek, you should turn the other one to him so that the person can strike you again. Does that sound easy?
So there is really no good answer why preachers, pastors, ministers, elders or other church leaders ignore one command but demand full obedience to the other. I expect that someday God will ask them to explain it.